lost boys

A lifetime too late I read your letter; forgive me if you can.

A lifetime too late I read your letter and want to tell you that someone read your letter finally, too late; and that years later still I want to race back to that little boy, who imagined himself grown up, and was too soon, and wrap him in my arms and wipe away the tears that no-one saw.

But even could I run so fast to lose the decades in between, there is no time, no moment I could find a different path to start again as everything was set, and me enchained before I walked or learned to talk. I am so sorry, man I did not know. Back then I could not know the role I had, nor that I did not know you, nor how much. Oh what I've lost, and never had of you, my brother.

I have my pain which came from then, that loss, a barren life despite all later love, but know I can't imagine yours and cry out, for my role in that, and ask you to forgive me, Cricky, if you can, if there's still time, please just recall that little boy, who should have burst with pride for his big brother, rally driver, his big brother, jet pilot. My own Dan Dare, I never knew, forgive me, if you can.

April 2015